good afternoon. i'm ann mossopfrom the sydney opera house. and it's my great pleasure tosee so many of you here today to hear from our honoured guest,sir terry pratchett, who'll be talking this afternoon with australian authorgarth nix. sir terry, as you all know,is an extraordinary writer and one who inspiresthe love and loyalty of an extraordinary groupof readers - you here in the audience,in costume or not.
we saw a few great hatsout there in the foyer. so i'd like to welcome youto the concert hall, an honorary part of discworldfor the afternoon. sir terry's a prolific writer,author of many novels, and, perhaps most notably,the 'discworld' series, currently with38 novels published and a 39th, 'snuff',coming out later this year. since 'the carpet people'was published in 1971, his books have soldmore than 60 million copies
in 37 languages. he's often describedas a fantasy writer, and there's no denyinghe's created a complete world of those elementsthat we associate with fantasy. but the comedy and satirethat are also his hallmark make him a very sharpcommentator also on this world, the real world, and a unique and powerful voicein fiction. sir terry was knighted in 2009for his services to literature.
in 2007 he was diagnosed with a rare form ofearly-onset alzheimer's disease and has becomea lucid and courageous voice in favour of assisted suicide, of people being able to choosetheir own death and die with dignity, as you'll know if you read his candid questionto our prime minister in the 'sydney morning herald'the other day,
"why is assisted suicidebanned in australia, julia?" we're lucky enough to havein conversation with sir terry this afternoon another wonderful writer,australian author garth nix. garth's first book,'the ragwitch', was published in 1990, and has been followed by theaward-winning fantasy novels in 'the old kingdom' series, 'sabriel', 'lirael'and 'abhorsen',
the wonderful young adult novel'shade's children', the six books of'the seventh tower' sequence, and, of course, 'the keysto the kingdom' series. so it's my great pleasure to welcome both of themto the stage to entertain and enlighten uswith their conversation - sir terry pratchettand garth nix. (applause) (dramatic, mysterious music)
what about that lot? (cheering) (laughs) we can rotate in our chairs. only if they're very good. (laughter) well, you have been warned. if i rotate on my chair,my brandy will spill. (laughs) we must be careful.
i didn't get a brandy. oh, well. that's the way it goes. it's a tremendous honour for meto be talking to you today, sir terry pratchett. i've been a fan of your books since i can't remember when. 'the colour of magic' i readwhen it first came out, and all the books since. and one of the best thingsabout being here today
and getting this gig,as it were, was for the last month i've been rereadingterry pratchett novels, and anyone asked mewhat i'm doing, i can say, "work." so it is a great privilegeand a tremendous honour. now, we're going to get started,i believe, with a reading from yourforthcoming novel, 'snuff'. -that's correct.-by rob wilkins.
no, it was by terry pratchett. -by terry pratchett.-(laughter) -it's going to be read by...-read by rob wilkins. -rob wilkins, yes.-yes. a very important distinction. i don't want that rumourto spread. -(laughter)-we'll nip that in the bud. and, of course, the other thingi should say, i guess, is that it's alsoa tremendous honour
to be here with youin the 'roundworld' equivalent of the 'bugarup' opera house. yeah, it certainly isa buggered-up opera house. -and...-(laughter and applause) i trust they didn't make youcome via the kitchen and invent a dessert on the way,though. i thought, because you knowwhat we're talking about - 'the last continent' - i thought i knew exactly howyou could make a peach butt.
you just need two peaches,for heaven's sake! (chuckles) that's right. that was in...inthe best possible taste. it does, yes. it sounds likea pretty good dessert, i think. who wouldn't wantto bite into one? -(laughter)-well, that's right. so perhaps...we're getting started with that readingfrom your next novel... ok.
..which is very eagerly awaited,i'm sure, by everybody here. if you could perhapsjust set the scene for the readingthat we're going to hear? in the short form,it's like this. um... commander vimes,of the ankh-morpork city watch, finds himself -i won't explain exactly why - down in the shires, a long way fromhis normal stamping ground.
and, uh... i cannot divulgethe reason why he's there. and he feelsreally out of his element and is wandering listlesslyaround the place. he doesn't understandthe countryside. he thinks trees arejust another stiff weed which people get excited about. um...but he's also,like any policeman... well, let me put it like this.
we know what happensto policemen and detectives when they go on holiday,don't we, boys and girls? i mean, look at hercule poirot. it doesn't matter where he goes. "i'm going to the seasidefor... (speaks french) "oh, sacre bleu!dead people in the bucket!" -yeah.-(laughter) they can't go anywhere,can they? they just can't go anywhere,no, no.
so, over to you, mr wilkins. (applause and cheering) hello. um, blimey. there's a couple of words we'renot allowed to use in our office and one of them is 'fun', so i hope you're notall having fun, and the other one's 'awesome'. but i walked out here,and i'm sorry, terry, but i'm gonna have to use it.
-this is awesome.-(laughter) rob, you know very well - i have told you about thisa million times - it's not awesome unless you seegod, jesus and all his works... ..descending from heaven. -i think they're up the back.-everything else is cool. (laughter and applause) but i have got to say just onething before we start, actually. we've been over here for whatseems like about 57 years now
and we've had a great time. we really have hadan absolutely fantastic time. the guys who organisedthe convention - i know where you are'cause i can see you out there - that was awesome,and i'll have that. so from me and from terry,thank you, australia. we have had a ball. thank you. hear, hear! but now i'm going to shut up.
no, i'm not, actually, 'cause that wouldn't make fora good reading, would it? no, i will start reading. ok. "sam vimes has dropped intohis local country pub, "where he learns abouta fascinating local hobby "and meets an old adversary. "vimes was becoming awarethat the pub was filling up, "mostly withother sons of the soil, "but also with people who,
"whether they were gentlemenor not, "would expect to be called so. "they wore colourful capsand white trousers "and spoke continuously. "outside, horses and carriageswere filling the lane. "hammering was going onsomewhere "and jiminy's wifewas now manning, "or, more correctly,womaning the bar "while her husband ranback and forth with his tray.
"vimes took a look outof the grubby pub windows. "regrettably, the pub was thatmost terrifying of things - "it was picturesque, "which meant that the windowconsisted of small, round panes "fixed in place with lead. "they were for letting light in,not for looking out of, "since they bent lightso erratically "that it nearly broke. "one pane showedwhat was probably a sheep,
"but which looked likea white whale - "well, until it moved,when it became a mushroom." "a man walked past with no headuntil he reached another pane, "and then hadone enormous eyeball. "young sam would have loved it, "but his father decided to giveeventual blindness a miss "and stepped outinto the sunshine. "'ah', he thought,'some kind of game.' "'oh, well.'
"vimes wasn't keen on gamesbecause they led to crowds "and crowds led towork for coppers. "but here, in fact,he wasn't a copper, was he? "it was a strange feeling, "so he left the pub and becamean innocent bystander. "he couldn't rememberwhen he'd been one before. "it felt...vulnerable. "he strolled overto the nearest man, "who was hammering some stakesinto the ground, and asked,
"'what's going on here, then?' "but, realising quicklythat he'd spoken in copper "rather than ordinary citizen, "he added, 'if you don'tmind me asking.'" -(laughter)-"the man straightened up. "he was one of the oneswith the colourful caps. "'have you seen a gameof crockett, sir? "it's the game of games!' "mr civilian vimes did his best
"to look like a man eagerfor more delicious information. "judging by his informant'senthusiastic grin, "he was about to learnthe rules of crockett, "whether he wanted to or not. "'well', he thought,'i did ask.' "'at first sight, sir, "'crockett might seem likejust another ball game "'wherein two sides striveagainst one another "'by endeavouringto propel the ball
"'by hand or bat or other device "'against the opponents' goalof some sort. "'crockett, however,was invented "'during a game of croquet "'at st onan's theologicalcollege in ham-on-rye, "'when the novice priestjackson fieldfair, "'now the bishop of quirm, "'took his mallet in both hands "'and, instead of givingthe ball a gentle tap...'
"after that vimes gave up, "not only becausethe rules of the game "were incomprehensiblein their own right, "but also because the extremelyenthusiastic young man "allowed his enthusiasmto overtake any consideration "of the need to explain thingsin some sensible order, "which meant thatthe flood of information "was continually punctuatedby apologetic comments "on the lines of, 'i am sorry,i should have explained earlier
"'that a second coneis not allowed "'more than once per exchange, "'and in normal playthere's only one tump. "'oh, unless, of course, you'retalking about royal crockett.'" "vimes died." "the sun dropped out of the sky, "giant lizardstook over the world, "the stars exploded and went out "and all hope vanishedwith a gurgle
"into the sink-trap of oblivion, "and gas filled the firmamentand combusted "and behold,there was a new heaven - "one careful owner -and a new disc, "and lo, and possibly verily,life crawled out of the sea, "or possibly didn't, becauseit had been made by the gods - "that was reallyup to the bystander - "and lizards..." "and lizards turned intoless scaly lizards,
"or possibly didn't, "and lizards turned into birds "and worms turned intobutterflies, "and a species of appleturned into bananas, "and possibly a kind of monkeyfell out of a tree "and realisedthat life was better "when you didn't have tospend your time "hanging around on something, "and, in onlya few million years,
"evolved trousersand ornamental stripey hats, "and lastly,the game of crockett..." "and there,magically reincarnated, "was sam vimes, a little dizzy, "standing on the village green, "looking into the smilingcountenance of an enthusiast. "he managed to say,'well, that's amazing. "'thank you so very much. "'i look forwardto enjoying the game.'
"at which point, he thought, "a brisk walk homemight be in order, "only to be foiled "by a regrettably familiar voicebehind him saying, "'you, i say you, yes, you!aren't you vimes?' "it was lord rust,usually of ankh-morpork, "and a fierce old warhorse, "without whose unique graspof strategy and tactics "several wars would not havebeen so bloodily won.
"now he was in a wheelchair,a newfangled variety "pushed by a man whose life was,knowing his lordship, "quite possibly unbearable. "but hatred tends not tohave a long half-life "and in recent yearsvimes had regarded the man "as now no morethan a titled idiot, "rendered helpless by age, "yet still possessedof an annoyingly horsy voice "that, suitably harnessed, mightbe used to saw down trees.
"lord rust was not a problemanymore. "there were surelyonly a few more years to go "before he would rust in peace." "and somewherein his knobbly heart "vimes still retaineda slight admiration "for the cantankerousold butcher, "whose evergreen self-esteem "and absolute readinessnot to change his mind "about anything at all.
"the old boy had reactedto the fact "that vimes, the hatedpoliceman, was now a duke, "and therefore a lot more nobbythan he was, "by simply assuming that thiscould not possibly be true "and thereforetotally ignored it. "lord rust, in vimes's book,was a dangerous buffoon, "but - here wasthe difficult bit - "an incredibly, if suicidally,brave one. "this would have beenabsolutely ticketyboo
"were it not for the suicides "of those poor foolswho followed him into battle. "witnesses had saidthat it was uncanny. "rust would gallopinto the jaws of death "at the head of his men "and was never seen to flinch, "yet arrows and morningstarsalways missed him "while invariably hittingthe men right behind him. "bystanders - or rather peoplepeering at the battle
"from behindcomfortably large rocks - "had testified to this. "perhaps he was capableof ignoring too "the arrows meant for him. "but age could not beso easily upstaged, "and the old man,while no less arrogant, "had a sunken look. "rust, most unusually,smiled at vimes and said, "'first time i've seen youdown here, vimes.
"'is sybil going backto her roots, what?' "'she wants young sam to getsome mud on his boots, rust.' "'well done her, what! "it'll do the boy goodand make a man of him, what!' vimes never understood where theexplosive 'whats' came from. "'after all,' he thought,'what's the point "'of just barking out 'what!' "'for absolutelyno discernible reason? "'and as for 'what, what!',
"'well, what wasall that about?" "'why what?' "'whats' seemed to be tent pegshammered into the conversation, "but what the hell for, what? "'so, not down here on anyofficial business, then, what?' "vimes's mind spun so quickly "that rust should have heardthe wheels go round. "it analysed the tone of voice,the look of the man, "that slight, ever so slight butnevertheless perceptible hint
"of a hopethat the answer would be no, "and presented himwith a suggestion "that it might not be a bad idea "to drop a tiny kittenamongst the pigeons. "he laughed. "'well, rust,sybil's been banging on "'about me coming down heresince young sam was born, "'and this yearshe put her foot down "'and i supposean order from the wife
"'must be considered official,when!'" "vimes saw the man who pushedthe enormous wheelchair "try to conceal a smile, "especially when rust respondedwith a baffled, 'what?!'" "vimes decidednot to go with 'where!' and..." "..and instead,in an offhand way, said, "'well, you know how it is,lord rust. "'a policemanwill find a crime anywhere "'if he decides to look hardenough for it.'
"lord rust's smile remained, "but it had congealed slightlyas he said, "'i should listen to the adviceof your good lady, vimes. "'i don't think you'll find "'anything worth your mettledown here.' "there was no 'what!' to follow, "and the lack of itwas somehow an emphasis." there you go. so that's 'snuff', which is outlate this year, i think.
-yes, that's right.-that's right. which...anothercity watch novel, but not in ankh-morpork. um, not all in ankh-morpork. and it's not evenas simple as that, either. (garth chuckles) my books seldom were, i feel. and it was great...great fun doing it. and i'm sure you know...
..it's very niceto have to do some research, because it's a bit of time off, even if you're not quite certain what it isyou're researching for. um, and, uh... there's quite a lot of stufftagged on to 'snuff' in my memory, and i'm quite pleased with it. we need to wait before we canask you any more questions.
talking about research, all your books are so connected with history and mythand legend, there's so many things that canbe teased out of all the books. i actually wondered,when did that start for you? i'd like to actually sort ofgo back to your childhood. i mean, in one ofyour interviews i read, you said you were"born on the chalk", which of course reminded meof tiffany aching.
yeah, yeah. and i thoughtthat was an expression that you heard as a child, and then many, many years later that little threadbecomes part... yeah, it's interestingof you to say that. um, i was born in the chilterns,which is chalk country. actually, i was built...i was born in a place called... -built!-well, actually, according...
my mum and dad had stayed put. yeah, i was bought thereas well. i, uh... i was actually bornin forty green, which was, i think at thatpoint, just off the chalk, because we were on gravel. you're not gonna say,"i was born on the gravel." i mean, good grief! but, for practical purposes,
it was the same kind of...same kind of... ..life, probably unaltered sincethe time of my grandfather, ever since he was a kid. and, as you gatherif you've read the books, that's where some part of 'ishall wear midnight' came from, 'cause in the old... ..in the old, old days, the oldboys would talk to the kids without actuallybeing sent to prison.
-yes.-(laughter) and so you could hearall the old stuff, which is actually whatold people are there for. there can't be any other reason. it's to tell...no, it's to tell the kids what it was likeonce upon a time. because, um... did you know my fathercould have shaken hands with wyatt earp?
-he could have?-yeah. well, i mean, if he'd been inamerica - he was nine years old. -he was in...-(laughter) i was gonna say,"in the chiltern hills?" no, what i mean ishistory is very close. -he's contemporaneous.-yes. yes, i mean, he was alivewhen wyatt earp was, and so he could haveshaken hands with wyatt earp. and when i tell people that,they say, "no, he couldn't."
i mean, wyatt earpwas a historical character. and i said,"i've got news for you. "my father is a historicalcharacter as well." you know, he died in his 80s. but there is still that kind oflineage, if you see what i mean, and you can follow back. and all that sort of thingreally, really works, you know, and it's worth cherishing. was it in your childhood...
you actually,in one interview, said that you had a, uh...you had a... what did you say?a restrictive childhood or... -a deprived childhood.-yes. but not deprivedin the usual way. hm-hm. you see, supposing i'd beenbrought up as a catholic, and i would have rebelledagainst it round about the age of 11,
and they would have to havebeaten me with sticks and heavy metal bits, and i would have, you know,mental scars, and i would have written really good, first-classbooker-winning books instead. my parents couldn't carry...couldn't care a fig about religion, um... ..except in one little part,which i shall mention.
my mum and dad, kind of... ..from them i got the ideaof "jesus lite", which is people knowwhat jesus said. you know, basicallybill and ted said it as well. -be excellent to one another!-(laughter) (cheering and applause) and that is it -you don't need anything else. if you follow that one, all crime, all everything,disappears.
the fact thatpeople aren't going to isn't really gonna change it, because they never goto whatever you do, but that's a goodstarting point. we don't need to go to church,don't need these other things. we just have to have acceptedthe golden rule, as indeed it's the golden rule. although, my mother did keep a tiny, tiny littlewooden crucifix,
a crucifixwhich meant a lot to me, because apparently,when i was six, i came out ofmy parents' bedroom one day when she was doingthe cleaning and said, "look, mum, i founda stick with an acrobat on it." and instead of giving mea wallop, apparently she laughed about itand told everybody. but when she died, as rob knows, i was even picking upthe carpets on the floor
and trying to find it, and she had kept itall those years. and i keep it. it means a lot to mebecause it meant a lot to her. and not as a religious artefact,but as something... i don't know what it was.i think it was... one side - and she told me - my mother was like me, and her grandfather was irish.
my mother was one to put a shineon an anecdote. and she told me that some... ..there was one part-memberof the family somewhere, the extended family,who was catholic, who said that if my mothermarried my father, who was nominally c of e, then their childrenwould be bastards. got that one right,in the circumstances. but my mum, any religiousleaning she had then went,
but she still kept the crucifix,and i respect that. and i would neverset fire to one, even though i think it isan instrument of torture. and when you start offa religion with an instrument of torturebeing...worshipped, if i was a christian, i would be one of those thatlive up in the hills somewhere and never come out very often, other than toburn everybody down.
because there wereso many metaphors, it's so hard...it's so easy to find a recipe to allow you tobeat the crap out of somebody. you can find reasons to hate. on the other hand, i believed mentally inbringing back to working life a small church near me. it was quite expensiveand it's a nice little church. someone said,"but you're a humanist."
and i said, "yeah, well, humanswill be going into this church." -(laughter)-and i rather like them. they're nice people. and it's a sort of communityaspect as opposed to... well, yes. we're english.we don't let old churches go. otherwise, what the hellwould we get? i believeit's always been optional to actually believe in god,as an anglican, anyway. -we actually...-well, hang on!
yeah, i knowexactly what you mean. that's whythey invented theology. we actually do have a questionfrom the audience. we have a numberof submitted questions - we asked peopleto send in questions. this is actually what came in. um, i'll have to look throughto find the question. -yes, yes.-i've edited it down, though. there is a relevant questionfrom the audience on this.
and we have a numberof questions that i've been told i have to tryand weave into the conversation, so this is metrying to weave in. maybe i should have had a loomor something. here we are, this is a questionfrom hugh...maynust? oh, it should behugh weaveling...weaving. (laughs) it should be.hugo weaving. hugo weaving.well, i feel close.
is hugh here in the audience? we can't see you, but you cansort of wave your arms around. he could be on the... he could be absolutely anywhere. let's just do it here. hugh's question is, "the 'discworld' novelswere instrumental "in my atheist awakening, "and i thank pratchett for this.
"i wonder whether... i'll translate thisinto the first person. i wonder whether you're awareof this effect on your readers. i'm humanist, not atheist, because a lot of the problemsin this world are... ..well, certainlyamong man and man, are caused bytoo much certainty. you must always leavethe possibility that you are wrong.
-humanists...-(applause) and so even atheismis too far... ..too far downone end of certainty. it's hedging your bets,humanism. -(laughter)-but a lot of... i've heard a lot of, um... ..i've heard a lot of scientiststalk about this and i read at an early age, i read, of course,
darwin at a very early age. and it's been over. and god knows why it's been overat the age of 15. but i like the god of spinoza, who is kind ofa nonexistent god. but, um, it's pretty goodto go on with. and so many scientists seemto me to have this nagging idea that behind it allthere must be some purpose. except...
my view has always beenthat we are on this... ..we are in the universebeing humans, building telescopesand things like that. are there...are the... we are the way in whichthe universe knows what it is. -we are the bit.-we're the observers. well, we are the observers, and we actually tell itwhat it is. it is otherwise what it is.
and until the storytellertells the story, what is it? and so i'm... so i'll talk...i'll talk to anyone aboutany kind of religion, and indeed i will talkto jehovah's witnesses until they say,"gosh, is that the time?" which is no small achievement. and, of course, i mean,religion plays a part in the 'discworld' novels.
it's such an important partin the world. well, actually, some would say a very unimportant partin the world. but it plays, um...such a... ..a provoking role in the world, mostly at making certain three peoples who all havethe same religious book are these days almost alwaysconstantly at war with one another.
think of the loss - if we ganged up, we could beatthe buddhists. or could we? well, i don't know. i mean, they're not armed, which could makea big difference. but you think,how can you respect religion when three religions which areas different from one another as a ham sandwich, um...
..and somethingthat isn't a ham sandwich... ..when...what... the rest of the world is having a fairly peaceful timeat the moment, one way or the other... ..while three children of thebook squabble with one another. -remarkably similar ones.-very, yes. yes, again, the thicknessof a ham sandwich. you've drawn religionas a source of satire
as you've drawnmany, many other things. on the other hand,i will point out to you that in 'small gods', brotherdemonstrated christianity. it wasn't seen as christianity, it wasn't writtenas christianity, but what he didwas the christian thing, which in this casewasn't to go and kill someone who had a different kindof christianity to him. but this was actually to,as it were,
love someonewho had persecuted him and, as it were, put his feeton the right path, even if they were the path to... ..ultimately, yeah, hellin that man's case. but there we are. it's a feature and it's a featurei like to play with. as you've played withso many other things. and, i guess, you know,you've become known
as probablythe best-known satirist working in the english languagetoday. you draw on everything. maybe since alan coren died, as no-one could beat alan coren. right. but i think you arewidely recognised for that, and i was wondering... i mean, you draw on everything,
you satiriseso many different things. -hmm...-what comes first... but you know how this is, youknow because you're a writer. yeah, i had a t-shirt on this, but they were latetaking the laundry. it doesn't matterwhat you write and it doesn't matterwhat you put in the books, how good it is,how good they're written, how it sears its way throughthe human condition,
um...opens new thoughts and new waysof looking at the world, and then you put inone lousy dragon and the bastards call youa fantasy writer. and that's what you are. shake hands on that one. yo! -um...-yes. it took a long time. it was the sheer weightof numbers.
yes. and people actually startedlooking beyond that and saying, "hang on, despitebeing a fantasy author, "this guy is pretty good." and we've gone through that now, but i think other peoplehave to go through it. it's an ongoing process,i think. i mean, there's the whole sortof magic realism, this is a respectablefantasy issue
and all that sort of thing. yeah, and we all knowthat if a mainstream author... now, i'm a clearmainstream author. -i am a mainstream author.-absolutely. because fantasy is nowmainstream anyway. god help us, there aregrandparents out there that speak klingon. and, indeed, now the bookerwinners are a kind of genre, which is the booker genre.
it's, uh... fantasy has become respectable. -uh...-up to a point. well, put it like this - it's allowed to come indoorsif it wipes its feet. but we'd rather if it tookits meals in the kitchen. it's an interesting thing, because you've been writingall through the period where it wasn'tvery respectable
and moving into... and you yourself are an example of how it has become recognisedand so on, because i thinkmaybe even 20 years ago fantasy writers...we certainlywouldn't have been knighted, i wouldn't have thought,20 years ago, 30 years ago. uh... well, if tolkien had lived to... no, i think you're right.he wouldn't have done either.
i mean, in those days,they just... well, the '60s hadn't finishedhappening. the world changed,all things changed because men died. and then the world was readyfor something new. i mean, once when i was a kid, you know, gays were laughed ator hated, whatever. and now, my daughterthinks nothing of it. i mean, she worksin the entertainment industry,
and one of her friends said, "if you workin the entertainment industry "and don't like gays, "what are you doing there,for heaven's sake?" no-one, really...no-one except the oldest and least well, sort of, focused has any bother with it at all. and so things go on. generations dream awayand there are new things.
and things are constantlychanging. i mean... can i swivel a bitto let them... i keep thinkingthey're looking at my back. support the downtrodden! -(laughter)-sorry about that. i've lost my train of thought. -(laughter)-people do. -the swivelling, the swivelling.-yes, it makes you dizzy. i'm dizzy.
you touched on tolkien therebriefly, and i think i read that youfirst read 'lord of the rings' in one incredibly swift... in one go, absolutely,and then read it again. i had to sleep at one point,but i actually slept like... (imitates snoring) with the three volumeson your chest. yeah. so tolkien obviously hada serious impact at that time.
but then, moving on, part of 'the colour of magic'was, in fact, satirising some of the thingsthat had arisen from tolkien. well, arisen from the fact that now, clearly,fantasy was a money-spinner. there were lots of... ..quasi-tolkiens. mmm, terry brooks and so on. no. well...they were the good ones.
there were a lot of others. do you read 'locus'? oh, yes, yes. it's full ofvery large americans giving awardsto other very large americans that we've never heard of. no, i remember looking one... ..looking at one edition of that and there was no more than...
..than... ..three dark lordsin separate books. and i thought, "how hard is it "to ring some changesinto all this?" i mean, that's why... is that what prompted'the colour of magic'? well, it was this,"can we stop this silliness?" well, then i wrote'colour of magic'. or mine it and take it...
..make it much more interesting and take it one step further,i guess. um, well... 'colour of magic'was a novice thing, really. i'd done stuff before it. i don't think i really got... i don't think i reachedjourneyman status... ..until 'i shall wear midnight', because i wouldput my finger on that
and say either i'm... ..well, either i'm a journeymannow or i never will be. i think you probably have toleave that to others to judge. because to me, i would say thatyou are definitely a master. thank you for saying that.thank you. i think everyone herewould agree. -you got my message.-(laughter) but it's interestingyou bring it up. you can never...
you know you're a journeyman, 'cause i rememberwhen i was a... 'cause i was a journalistand a trainee. in fact, i wasa real indentured... you had the real apprenticeship. a real apprentice, yeah. and i knew when i'd reachedthe intern stage. that means, "doesn't know it allby a long way, "but is fit enoughto be let out there
"and, you know, you can send himout on a crime story..." you know what you don't know. "and now he's got all the...he's got the basics "and he's not gonna let us down, "but it's up to him now." and sometimes there was anotherstatus called 'improver', and so then that's whenyou started to move around. -right.-to learn different things. you know, so you're notalways having one master.
i wanted to ask you aboutthe journalism too, because you actually managed toget fiction in your newspaper, in the bucks free press. -oh, yeah, yeah.-writing as uncle... -uncle jim.-uncle jim. uncle jim, kiddies! and some of those storiesare available online now and you can go backand read them. (speaks indistinctly)
my... yeah, well, i guess peopleare talking about that. well, hopefullythey prompt them... they read those and they promptthem to go and buy your books. and that was an apprenticeshiptoo in writing stories. well, it was simple as this. i'd tried... i'd already solda couple of short stories. and i'd write all the time. and, um... and when i joined they said,
"now you've got to writeuncle jim," 'cause no-one wanted to writeuncle jim. -so uncle jim existed before.-oh, yes, it did, yeah. and i wouldn't have called it'uncle jim'. i'd have called it 'old gnarly'. (creepy voice)hello, children! and i thought, "this isan easy-peasy piece of piss." and because i like writinganyway, i started writing it at home,
and i was writing itvery, very long, um, not by today's standards. and i had to sab it...(laughs) ..sub it down to what spacewas in the newspaper, um, and that wasn'ttoo difficult either. and it was a thing i did. i didn't really think of it asmy copyright or stuff like that. it was work i was doingas an apprentice
and i was glad to do it. and i guessa great craft exercise in the craft of writing. it was interestingbecause you can see some sort of proto-'discworld', early, prehistoric pratchettsort of stuff coming through - i mean, the steam room and isombard nuisance funnel,i think his name was, and things like that.
(laughs) i'd forgottenabout him. he was probablyan early forerunner of bloody stupid johnson. yeah, and britain'sworst inventor ever. and so, really nice stories. i mean, it was fascinating tolook through that development. great days, they were, 'cause i used to sub my own copyof, um... ..'cause i'd been workingat home without extra pay,
of course. and i'd bring it down and in themorning i'd sub my own copy as a subeditor, and then we'd do the spikes, which the trainee journalistshad to do and we'd take stuffoff the spike. it's really just filing, but you'd file everythingon one big spike like that. (stammers)
i'm a lucky one. i was the only onein the whole...there that never had a bigger gapbetween these fingers. clunk! ah, bugger! and then meand the other trainee, we'd go out to wickham market in the freezing weatherquite often and we would havea plate of cockles with, um...in...
what did i have to go on them?vinegar. and chat to presswood ginger. which doesn't sound very nice,to tell you the truth. -compared to what?-a plate of cockles and vinegar. compared to what you guys eat? it is, it's like cockles,mussels, that kind of stuff. -(speaks indistinctly)-it's just seaf... we didn't eat them alive,'cause there was vinegar. and we'd have a chatto presswood ginger,
who was the local ladyof negotiable affection... ..who was alwaysgood for a laugh. and then we had togo back to work. but they were nice days,they really were. but then, as you know, my first job, my first day,i saw a dead body. and when you workin local newspapers, you spend an awful lot of timecovering coroners courts, or at least you didin those days.
my editor was an absolutestickler for having... -you have coroners courts here?-mm, yes, yes. you must have them.i mean, it's always the... more tradition. um, do you call them somethingdifferent now, then? no, i think we still havean inquest into... oh, yeah, yeah,it's the same thing. and, you know, the coronerswere always nice guys because it didn't really matterthat there was...
they did their bestnot to have to find... ..to say that someone hadcommitted suicide. because of the social stigmaand so on? death by misadventure? well, no, it was something... well, when the nooseis still warm, um, most of thosedon't quite apply. but the kind thing was"took their life "while the balance of their mindwas disturbed."
and i always liked that... ..because someone had died and it was a tragedyand it was a bad thing, and quite often,most of the suicides i ever had to deal with that had triedto hang themselves had hanged themselves in the most terrible waysthat you can have. pierrepoint could get someonefrom, uh...
..the cell door to had to being... ..to be droppingthrough the trap in seven and a quarter seconds. he was the last english hangman. but not everybody is as goodas pierrepoint. and again, this is informationthat's gone into your head and it's come back out againin 'discworld'. -yes.-it's interesting.
so much drawn from your ownlife, your own observations, from your reading, which has obviously always beenvery, very, very broad. but even the bad thingsgive you some insight to people and how they think. and again, i mean... i apologise that these thingstend to be macabre. i remember going to seean elderly couple who had had a golden wedding,
and we had to, like, you know... it's all darby and joan stuff. and they'd say, "how do you... "how do you, uh... i'd say, "how can you... "can you give us a recipe forhaving a really good marriage?" "oh, we have a lot of sex. "oh, we've had a lot of sexfor a very long time. "it's amazing.
"back in the old days when mumand dad was always watching, "it's amazing what you could doon a bicycle." -and i'd think...-(laughter) and i'd think,"i can't write this down!" did you ever get details ofwhat you could do on a bicycle? and that wasthe kind of funny one. and i was talking to a...a very, very elderly nurse, um, who'd been practising,i think, in the... ..before the 1920s,
i mean, perhaps even a decadeearlier than that, in the days when you really justwere taught by other nurses, and right out in the sticks and with no penicillinand no modern aids and just what you knew. and she told meshe'd killed two people. uh, one of them was a man who was screaming himselfto death with cancer, in the day when there wasnothing whatsoever
you could do about it. and, uh, she and his wifeput some pillows, or bolsters, in those days,over his head and sat on them, sat on themuntil he stopped screaming and she couldpronounce him dead. and she said in those daysthe clergymen understood without having ever being told. and if something like thishappened in a family,
a very religious family, the clergymen all... ..the clergymentended to know enough to... leave it alone. well, shall we say, "take everyone downstairsto pray "so that we don't get inthe good nurse's way." and that, as you may gather, stuck in my mindfor a very long time.
i don't know whyfor so much of my life, uh... ..i've spoken to peoplewho have death as their trade, or at least as, um... ..a curious additionto what their trade is. coroners, for example,and midwives and others. but i will listen to anybody. but what sticks in my mindmost of all is, um... ..there is a tale with suicide.
a woman had walked outonto the railway tracks in time for the, um... ..in time for the express. (sighs heavily) and because our housecould see the railway tracks, i was up first on the scene, and i really, really wishi wasn't. i was there just afterthe police, 'cause they certainly wouldn'thave told a journalist.
..the poor buggers, andi mean the police, because... ..were already walking aroundwith plastic bin bags, black plastic bin bags. i can't see one of those now... -..without flinching.-without that memory. but that wasn't, you know... the first death i ever saw was a man who'd suffocatedby falling down a well that was full of pig shit.
not nice, not nice, and he was multicolouredwhen they pulled him out, but he was dead. and so he was dead. and that one, the only thingi learned from that is that you can go on being sick even when you've run outof anything to be sick with. (gentle laughter) but with this woman,who i shall never forget,
for some reason i strolled alongthe railway track, um... ..the opposite direction,believe me, that the police were taking. um, and she had stepped outfrom behind a linesman's hut. we have these at intervalsalong the railway just to keep tools and sparesand things like that. -have a smoke and a cup of tea.-yes. well, this lady had had a smoke. she had smoked six cigarettesbefore...
..in the lee of the hut. six cigarettes worth of deciding whether she wasgoing to do it or not. and i just thought, you know... that image stays therein my head, and it's just ofsix cigarette butts. and i...feltsome terrible remorse that i hadn't been there. how could i have been?it's just...
-why...-why wasn't somebody there? yes, but how can that be done? i mean, it's just... it isn't something... (sighs) i mean,even in those days we had some peoplethat would help, but it wasn'tquite as good as it is now, and it was stilla slightly punitive world that we lived in.
in fact, i can't remember if, in fact,suicide had been made... ..not legal, but, shall we say,not punishable. i can't quite remember now. but it certainly came inin my lifetime in the same way... in my early...not my absoluteearly lifetime. that's when we stoppedhanging people.
and you just...you can'tdo anything about it but just say,"this is the way of the world "and it's full ofthis sort of stuff, "and the best you can do is makeit as palatable as you can." it's probably a good point totalk about your support for... -i knew you'd segue there.-it was bound to come up. you were itching. i could see you giving thatsolemn look to your face. i have a naturally solemn look,so i'm told.
we should probably rotate backthis way again. are there people there? ok, just a slight rotation here,folks. we're actually, um...we've... looking at this clock, we've gone through our timeso incredibly swiftly. they don't mind,they're getting extra value. carry on. i know you've been askedabout this a lot.
it's been a topic that's come upall the time. but since your diagnosiswith early-onset alzheimer's and public support of... -assisted dying.-assisted dying. i was wonderingwhat term you prefer. well, i prefer to get itabsolutely right - physician-assisted dying, such as they have in holland,belgium, switzerland and oregon. my beef on it...
..is that wheneverit's proposed, people who are against it, who are often, but not uniquely,from the religious right... (scattered laughter) ..just throw up a smokescreen and, you know, talk about nazis. -and that...there is no debate.-yes. you know, you can say"this is how it can be done. "these other countries do it."
what can you say badabout the dutch? -i mean...-(laughter) you know, smoke pipes. have that...have that...those two little streets... windmills - windmillsare a little creepy. windmills are a bit creepy. i was talking about those twolittle streets in amsterdam that you never went downand nor did i, not even to... no, i believeno-one ever goes down them.
no, never,nobody's ever gone down. obviously except...except rugby supporters. they would.i'm not a rugby supporter. and they sort of... i'm the same with the belgians.i mean, they're working. no wonder hercule poirotwas a belgian. they think things out,decide amongst themselves and get it sorted. and yet,
no-one except us, um... ..which is a growing number, wants even to debate. and one ofthe definitions of hell is the absence of reason. so people...the governmentis against it, we believe, because it's not doing anything. but there is no reason, and governments have to havea reason for what they do.
it must be a coherent reason. and i think it is because thatthere is no coherent reason that authority does not wantto have a debate. i believeany time they have a poll there's enormous,overwhelming support. indeed, absolutely.is that the same here? it's the same here as well,absolutely. so i don't want to get intotrouble for this, 'cause i already...
i'm apparently askingyour prime minister to do something about this. -this was rather set up...-thank you. this was rather set upby a journalist, but on the other handi didn't see why not. it's not my job to tell you guyswhat to do, but, um...'cause i tellmy own government what to do. one government at a time, guys. but, you know, that's it -what is the reason?
because we know, or at leasteveryone thinks they know, or the word on the street is that doctors are occasionallyknown to actually help anyway. -yeah.-yes, you've heard that. everyone has.everyone assures me of that. doctors assure me that, but obviously not in theirhospital and not them. many doctorshave written to me... -"i have a friend."-yes.
many doctors have written to me at risk of their future,i would imagine. so thank goodnessthey are 'discworld' fans and trust me, and i have a fire which isalways burning in my office. and they say, "yes, it doesn'thappen as much now "because everyone isvery, very, very scared." but it sometimes happens, especially if you made certain
the nurse with the crucifixis out of the ward. (sighs) one of the reasons i askedis because i imagine that sometimes it's presumed that this has becomea subject for you solely because ofyour own position. uh, well, would ihave gone into it... i mean, one has to be sensiblearound this. but you've alwayswritten about it.
very few men probably went infor votes for women. some did. but you probablyhave to be a woman to join up for votes for women. -to really...-yes. i mean, men... besides which,in the original campaigns, men weren't exactly...exactlywelcome as fellow travellers. so whatever it is
that's gonna go onthat's affecting you, you're gonna beupfront about it. but in this one, it seemed to me peculiarly without reason. it seemed to me to be... ..i could be wrong, but the last gasp of a kind ofanglo-catholic faction that likes telling peoplewhat it should be doing.
(coughs) and over the yearspeople are saying, "we know whatwe should be doing. "we're quite happywith what we're doing. "we don't need peopleto tell us what to do. "we'll pay our taxes,thank you very much, "and we'll deal withthe other stuff as well. "we are not...we don't actuallyacknowledge our elders..." well, "our elders..."
we might acknowledgedear old dad, he's a good lad. besides which,he gives me my pocket money. but we don't acknowledgeour betters, except for the queen! -god bless her majesty.-(laughter) um, everyone says, you know, "you're a bit of a republican,aren't you? "and then you went and got anobe and you got a knighthood." and i said,
"i really love having, um..." it's very strange, standing there whenquite a frail-looking woman is going...(imitates sword whooshing) there may have been accidents.they've been covered up. -(laughter)-yeah. and in a strange, curious way, the honour systemcan be quite democratic at one end of the scale.
i might tell you that later,if we have time, about that. and i thought, what i like - and you haven't got this here, and i bet you wishyou had it still - what i like is that periodically our prime minister,whoever he is, has to driveto buckingham palace, where a small lady is waiting,standing up always, and give him her hand
and, just possibly,in my imagination at least, this lady who, in fact, was queen when churchillwas prime minister, will say, "would you be so kindas to tell me "why you have managed to mess upone's country so badly... "..again?" alright, i actually havea knighthood question here. i've been failing,failing in my job here of... -is it about the sword?-it is about the sword.
oh, good, yes. i need to find outwho the question is from so we can properly... this is from amy turner.is amy turner here? somewhere.i heard a slight clap. amy turner asks, "now thatyou've made your own sword, "do you have any plansto start on some armour?" i'm sure anyone hereknows about the sword, because they're'discworld' fans.
and i would say that, um... ..with the exceptionof my daughter, rhianna, and i can only claimhalf of the work that went intothe making of her... ..the sword is the best thingi've ever made. i know i've done a lot of books. but the sword, first of all, is somethingi wasn't trained to do, and i'm a small guyand blacksmithing
and that sort of thingisn't really good for... i managed to do itand i actually... i'll tell you about the bitat the end with the sword. there was two guys,jake keen and hector cole. hector cole is...you see himsometimes on 'time team'. -i love 'time team'.-yeah. -my favourite.-and jake keen was... oddly enough, i mean,god, if he existed - probably darwin, possibly -
meant that both of themdid live not far away from me, and jake showed mehow to field-walk and find the iron in the fields. and i said, "do the farmersmind us taking it?" and he said, "no, it's metal "and it gets in the wayof the combine." whenever i asked,"can we field-walk for iron?" "sure, get rid ofthe bloody stuff." so that was it.
and he taught mehow to make the, um... ..to actually hammerthe ore out, more or less, and to build...build the, um...kiln. and then you burn slightly drysheep shit in it for a while, which is just the right kindof temperature and, kind of, humidity to bring it up right, and to put the charcoal in and get the charcoalinto the right size.
there's lots of stuff to do. um, and you definitely need, at least for the first time,anyway, even with a hopeof getting it done badly, you're gonna need someonethat can show you the ropes. how to do it, hm. but beyond that, until youget to the very fine details, it's...it's hand work. but the best piece was
i was actually making the sword along with hector, or, rather, getting in his way, but at least the thing isi actually banged the head out of every piece of metalthat he put my way. -you got to use the hammer.-i got to use the hammer. and quite often didn't hit himwith it, either. -(laughter)-and he showed me... he showed me tricky bitsand things like that.
and if i had more timeand, indeed, more life, i suspect i would go backand take more lessons. and make some armour, perhaps. well, no.i shall tell you why not. when he... when we actually finishedmaking the sword, because i couldn'tmake the hilt, because you had towork in materials that i didn't really knowhow to use.
i could have workedwith the silver, but not with the horn,which you have to... -the horn handle.-the grip. and anyway, everyone knowsthe sword is the blade. -the blade, yes.-everything else is other stuff. of course you know about this,'cause you're a fantasy writer. -that's right.-yes, we know about this stuff. it's my father's swordand it's had 17 kills. -(laughter)-exactly, exactly.
and he said, "i'm just not sure "there is enough steelin this iron. "it'll still be a pretty goodsword, iron age sword," which is...we were making one. and, you know, one a chieftainwould be proud to have. "but i just don't thinkyou haven't got enough... "..steel in." and you get naturally...and you get naturally a kernel of steelwithin the iron,
and if you're lucky you havejust the right amount of steel. but he'd done some testsand he said, um... and so he was standing there and he'd got a bar stockof modern steel. "if you like, at no cost, "i will actuallywork this bar steel "into the last bit of work, "and then, um, you know,it will stand up "to modern force."
well, certainly... actually, some of the barpractically reared... you know... ..like scalpels in the sky. and, uh...and thenhe looked at me and, uh... ..i said, "well, you knowwhat mana is, don't you?" and of course you do,don't you, 'cause... i'm sure everybody here does.
yes, so you're gonna tellthe people what it is. -well, it's magical energy.-yes. -the investment of...-that's it. "what i want for me,it's my sword. "everything about itis my sword." you know, i pulled itout of the ground, um...i pulled itout of the ground... ..i hammered it on the anviland i took it off the anvil, and therefore the mana is mine.
and he said, um... and i looked at himand he was smiling, and i said, "have i said... "..have i answered the right... "..have i answeredthe question...a test here?" and he said, "well..." he opened a little drawer out. like, all forgesare full of old furniture with rusty things in them.
and he took outthis lump of metal and said, "this here is a lumpof iron age steel." quite rare, i think. and because he's working onthese kinds of finds and things with universities, um... "i can work it into your sword, "and then you will havea genuine iron age sword, "but with steel in it. "and may i remind youthat the gift of a friend
"has mana as well." that's amazing. and i thought,"that's even better!" -(laughter)-"that's even better!" i mean, that was pure fantasy,wasn't it? there is,and smiths are magical. yeah, absolutely,he knew about that. and, i mean, we putthunderbolt iron in it and all that stuff.
that's fantastic. i want one! but then -onto the actual question - when i said,"would you be able to help... "would you help me..." and i thought the best platewould be... "that's metal-bashing.that's no job for a sword smith. "someone will help youwith that." but not him. but, you know, he...
a lot of sword smithingis blacksmithing up to a certain point, and then it's sword smithing. um, and... it's a higher art. and we haven't even gota scabbard for it yet, but there is someoneout there... -who's making it.-well, they'll help me make one. well, probably, yeah.
so there we are. next question. we've gone very over time,but i'm gonna quickly... i think these can be, uh... these couple of questions herecan perhaps be quite swift... yes, ok. ..before we get...the shepherd's crooks come out and drag us off the stage. this is from matthew blake,and it's, "what has been your favouriteor most disappointing adaptation
"of your work?" there really haven't beenthat many, as it were, to be, um...consideredan unfortunate one. so, you know, i can't really put my fingeron something like that. um, although i think 'going postal' is the onethat most people like, for me, 'hogfather'was the best. you said the magic word -'hogfather'.
we have the teeth. -we have the teeth?-we have the teeth. what do we do with the teeth,boys and girls? now, since you are all'discworld' fans, how many of youhave actually had teeth from the, uh... ..the actual, uh,tooth fairy's castle? (murmuring and laughter) you have, haven't you?
now, these arequite hard plastic, so watch your eyes. i'll try this side, shall i? garth: the health and safetyofficers have... -ooh, bloody hell.-(laughter) this is...can someone take this up to... garth: watch your eyes! terry: come on.i don't want you left out. how can we do this?i can't throw...
i'll do my best. -are you ready?-i'm scared to throw. -here we go!-(cheering) -garth: pass them around.-terry: one more, one more! wa-hey! do you know, i do believe that'snever happened here before. have we still got more?what do we do with those? what we might dois i might give them all to some responsible personin the front row
to give out. who has to be responsible? -hang on, there's this...-(laughter) hang on, some over here,some over here. no, no, don't throw them. justpass them around later, perhaps. terry: i want some more.i want some more. -there's some over there.-there's more back here. -(laughter)-(terry speaks indistinctly) right, are you lot ready?are you lot ready?
come on. might be an ideato shut your eyes. -careful.-(laughter) here we are. you look very responsible.oh, no, can i have them back? how... ok. yeah, they're getting left outbehind there. we should have broughtsome more. -garth: we're done.-(laughter) ah, behind the book.they know where it is.
-man: behind the book!-oh, we've got some more. behind the book.we do have some more. ok, i think that lot need some. i'm losing my... we're degenerating now into...into farce. -(laughter)-yes, isn't it nice? ready? you're gonna have to grababout on the bottom, you know. -no-one hurt, i trust?-(laughter) sorry about that, madam.sorry?
(indistinct chatter) garth: watch your eyes. -terry: you have spectacles?-garth: watch your eyes! terry: oh, you've got it.did you get your tooth? would you like a tooth? we've got to throwto this lady. can we... i think i've given themall away. oh, no!
-no.-no. -there's one left.-a tooth for the lady. -one tooth.-(laughter) we are... we are well over time, but there's one thingleft to be done, which, in fact,you all need to do, because i believe thatyour birthday is coming up very, very soon.
-(laughter)-oh, my word! and i'm surethat you probably haven't had 'happy birthday' sung to you in the sydney opera housebefore. -(laughter)-no. no. well, it seems likea perfect occasion we should take advantage of. so i hope, ladies and gentlemen,you'll all join with me in singing 'happy birthday'to sir terry pratchett.
one, two, three. (all sing)# happy birthday to you # happy birthdayto you # happy birthday,terry pratchett # happy birthday to you. # -hip, hip, hooray!-(cheering and applause) hip, hip, hooray! (applause continues) thank you very much.
they'll be coming out with theshepherd's crooks any moment. let's go!let's make a run for it. -(laughter)-this way. ok, let's go, let's go.which way to go? -this way.-ok. -(laughter and applause)-sir terry pratchett! (wild cheering) (dramatic, mysterious musicplays)